Sunday, April 29, 2018

Ziploc and Zero

Ziplocs and Zero

I crafted myself a delicious lunch
Put it in the Ziploc with a gentle scrunch
At noon I ate my still fresh hero

Ziploc one, staleness zero

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Yawning and Yesterday

Yesterday and Yawning

Yesterday I yawned all day and couldn't sleep that night
I tossed and turned and turned and tossed till dawn's early light
Today I slept the whole day through and now it is twilight
I'm yawning, sleepless by my friend,  oh what an awful plight

Oh what to do, how do I cope, oh wait the answer's dawning
I know now what the reason is, my sleeplessness is spawning
From lack of oxygen to my brain, because of all this yawning

I'll stop right now and wake up bright and fresh tomorrow mawning. 

Xenium and Xerox

Xenium and Xerox

We brought  xenium to the Greek party
 I xeroxed a pic of a goat
Apparently this was not good enough
As stated in the thank you note

It arrived through the window on a stone
And the nasty note said and I quote
Thanks a lot for the picture
But why didn't you spring for the goat

A true friend, as you probably don't know
Would have gladly brought us a beast
And then we'd all celebrate greatly
With delectable goat for the feast




Waffles and Wallet (haiku)

Waffles and Wallet

I love Waffle House
but my wallet is empty

PBJ it is

Victim and Valentino

Victim and Valentino

I was the victim of a Valentino  wannabe
Who crept into my life and stole my heart
With candy, flowers, and songs of love
He completely blew my world apart

One day I was all alone dreaming of my man
When Rudy called me on the phone and said
There's someone else adios my love

Now I wish that I was dead.

Unity and Underwear

Unity and Underwear

I bought new underwear today
I bought it with impunity
The panties gave my glutes some shape

The bra provided unity.

Tycoon and Tumbleweeds

Tycoon and Tumbleweeds

There once was a tycoon from Texas
Who drove a big fancy new Lexus
But he didn't heed
That big Tumbleweed

Now Texas is minus one Lexus

Shapeshifter and Stagefright

Stagefright and Shapeshifter

I wish I was a shapeshifter
When I go on the stage
I'd turn into an open book
My lines on every page.

Or perhaps an elephant
that never will forget
The lines the stagefright steals from him
and leaves him bathed in sweat

Or how about a looking glass
That faces t'ward the crowd
So its them not me they see
My voice could then be loud

But alas, I'm only me
A frightened nervous person
And everybody laughing
just makes my stagefright worsen


RollerCoaster and Racism

Rollercoaster and Racism

The emotional roller coaster
that is racism
Seems to never end
We head uphill
towards understanding
And loop back down again
some of us, we try so hard
to act and talk just right
we think we're cool and open minded
and then we find we're wrong
We blunder and we stammer
to remember the right words
so as not to degrade or hurt
but it is
hard
there are so many rules
it makes me wonder why
we can't all just
assume good intentions
and let some things go by
But the rollercoaster rattles on
We're scared, we're thrilled
we scream
we cry
Trying to live in this difficult world

and love our fellow man

Quest and Quack

Quest and Quack

While on a quest for peace
I sat beside a brook
And listened to the stream
And got lost in a book

I felt the warm sunshine
The tree against my back
Everything was perfect
And then I heard a quack

I jumped and turned around
my heart was in my throat
and then I saw the little duck
Enjoying a morning float

And it suddenly occurred to me
We both were  on a quest
Me for peaceful solitude

And her, a place to nest

Friday, April 20, 2018

Pillar and Prism

Pillar and Prism

There is a young Jay named Pillar
Who's baseball career will go far
Crashing into the wall
To catch that baseball
Yeah that Kevin Pillar is a star

Prism

Particles of light
Rainbows all around
Infusing colour
Shining in the sun

Making me smile

Open to The One

Open to The One

I was not open to meeting "the one"
The day it happened to me
I had hardened my heart and was on the run
from pain and heartbreak, you see

But her touch was so tender, her smile so sweet
I felt myself melting inside
It's silly to say I was swept off my feet
But I  had to let go of my pride

So now I am open and loving her so
My life now has meaning and rhyme
Now I've found "the one" and surely I know
We are sharing a love that's sublime


Nuclear and Needles


Nuclear War

With Nuclear war
There are no winners at all
Everybody dies


Needles

There once was a woman from Needles
Who had quite a collection of beetles
She gave them all hugs
And made them all rugs
Those spoiled rotten beetles from Needles


Thursday, April 19, 2018

Marshmallow and Monarch

Marshmallows

I love camping, there is no doubt
A tent, canoe, and food to cook out
But my favourite thing and my answer is quick
Is a sticky marshmallow on a pointed stick

I like to wait till the embers die down
Find an oven- like space to toast it just brown
My friend likes a torch of flaming goo
I find it too messy...but it's tasty too

But if you're an adult and you want something more
Then just try your hand at creating a  "Smore
Marshmallow, chocolate and graham cracker stack
Melted just right a most heavenly snack.


The Monarch

Maybe it's his regal name that gives the Monarch so much fame
Maybe it's the shiny cocoon, like a jewel, from which he came
Or maybe it's his gorgeous colour so quick to spot among the flowers
Or flitting in the summer sky that gives the butterfly its powers

His striped caterpillar body is really vibrant this is true
But the orange winged butterfly is best known to me and you
Of all the butterflies in all the colours our attention is forever drawn
to the black etched monarch fellow flitting quickly on our lawn


Lunar and Living Room

Lunar

I would have been here sooner
If the eclipse had not been lunar
Everything was darkness
In the winter forests starkness
Snow up to my knees
I should have brought my skis
Or better yet, my compass
Sometimes I'm such a dumbass

With all my landmarks hidden
I got  lost, no, I'm not kiddin'
I would have been here sooner
If the eclipse had not been lunar



Living room (Haiku)

Curled up on the couch
Favourite book in my hand

Ah, my living room

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Kilo and Karma

Kilo

As sirens wail and lights flash
I quickly hide my kilo of hash
I thought I'd flush it down the  toilet
But I don't really want to spoil it

It cost too much to throw away
But getting caught will wreck my day
And hamper the sale of my goods
And cause a scene with those crazy hoods

I decide to hide it in plain sight
And walk away into the night
I hope the cops will never look
In the cookie jar in my kitchen nook

Karma

Karma is a bitch they say
What you put out will come your way
Evil deeds come back to haunt you
Karma will come round to taunt you

If you're a person who brings joy
And never others do annoy
Karma will be good to you
A bring success in all you do

If you believe what I just said
You must have rocks inside your head
For we all know the world's not fair

And karma isn't really there.

jerks and juicy

Jerks

God created the earth and people of different kinds
Some were dumb as dirt, some had great minds
Some were bound for greatness, some for nothing much
Others would be great leaders, others just out of touch

But no one can figure out one thing that God created
It didn't make sense to his greatness, but never was it stated
Why on earth God saw fit, with all his wondrous works
To add to all humanity, a generous dose of jerks




Juicy

There once was a girl named Lucy
Whose bottom was fat and juicy
It jiggled along
To her favourite song
While Lucy danced the Watusi

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Indiana and Inchworm

Indiana

If you ever go to Indiana
Please don't  snack on a banana
Popcorn is the food of choice
Remember Redenbacher's voice

Every kernel popped he said
In these bags of white and red
Indiana's where he was born
and made his millions popping corn

Microwaving is pretty hasty
And the snack food is very tasty
So when you go to Indiana
Take a pass on that banana.

Inchworm

Do inchworms really measure flowers
or the drops in April showers
Do they inch along the trees
And count by twos...or even threes

I bet their backs  are very strong
See they way inch along?
Not affected by the breeze
On tiny feet...they have no knees


Watch the way they bend in two
As they're crawling through the dew
Perhaps they are on their way to class
Math of course, need you ask


Hospital and Hamburger

Hospital  (Haiku)

I saw the red sign
There was no way I could stop
In hospital now




Hamburger

Fresh ground beef, assorted spices
Lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onion
A soft, fresh bun..with seeds..or not
Ketchup mustard and maybe mayo

On the barbecue or on the grill
Charcoal, propane, or frying pan
Juices flowing from the patty

Behold the hamburger, a work of art

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Gravity and Garden Gnomes

Gravity


Things that bounced now are saggy
What once was tight now is baggy
Skin so smooth has become flabby
All of this just makes me crabby

I was once so lithe and supple
My bosom made a lovely couple
But now there's no way to pretend
That gravity is still my friend.



Garden Gnome

He stands alone in my flower bed
A floppy hat upon his head
He doesn't move he doesn't talk
Just stands there stoic by the walk

He watches with a stony smile
When I visit for a while
As I dig and plant and  hoe
I tell him things no one can know

My dearest friend my garden gnome
Living just outside my home
Atop the body buried there
Keeping secrets he can't  share


Forest and Flame

Forest Bathing

Forest bathing 
So good for the soul
You stand amongst the trees
Silent and still
Breathing in the scents of pine
    and earth
Listening to the birds
    the squirrels
    the rustlings of other life
Feeling the air on your skin
    the wind in your hair
    the sun on your face
breathe deeply
    again
    and again
Feel one with the earth
Feel rejuvenated
Forest bathing
     no tub required




Flame

Today I saw my old flame
I couldn't remember her name
Or the feel of her touch
Or anything much
But she gave me a hug, just the same


Sunday, April 8, 2018

Ether and Eyes



Ether (haiku)


A sore tooth strikes fear
A mask and some gas...relief
How I love ether




Eyes  (limerick)


My girlfriend has beautiful eyes
As blue as the bluest of skies
When she looks at me
It's easy to see
The love that she never denies


Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Dancing shoes and Donuts

Dancing Shoes and Donuts

When I put on my dancing shoes my spirits fairly soar
I swoop around and around the room and barely touch the floor
All the girls are jealous of and wish that they could be me
But it's only because of these dancing shoes that I can be so free

Their red and shiny and light as air and oh how they do shine
My feet are fleet and fancy-free and oh, my legs look fine
But alas even my special shoes will not for long support me
If those damned donuts I so love continually thwart me.


Caterpillar and Cloudscapes

Caterpillar

The caterpillar is a busy thing
munching leaves all through the spring
gathering strength for the big change
Having wings will feel so strange

Does he know what lies ahead?
That the cocoon that is his bed
Will change him in a special way
To the butterfly he'll be one day.


Cloudscapes

I look out the window of the plane and see
cloudscapes
A fluffy white wonderland surrounding us
I want to climb out the window and wander through
exploring behind the pillars of white and gray
walking on the carpet so soft and white
Actually I would rather be anywhere than on this
damned

plane

Monday, April 2, 2018

Beads (haiku)

Multicoloured beads
of every shape and size

A necklace is born


The Basket

An old lady stood with a basket of flowers
I had no doubt she had been there for hours
Her clothes were worn and her shoes had holes
Her face was wrinkled, scattered with moles

As I hurried past, I was busy you know,
I heard a voice come soft and low
Why such hurry, come smell my roses
No others like it make happy noses

I couldn't stop too much to do
Bills to pay and shopping too
I didn't stop, I didn't smell
happy noses?  what the hell?

But all day long I thought of the flowers
That I didn't smell and it seemed like hours
before I could pass her way again
I'd stop and I would smell them then

But she was gone and what was left
was a ragged basket now bereft
wilted leaves and faded scent

the chance for joy had come and went.

America

America


Oh  America you are such a bully
Throwing your weight around
Your people staring dully
As your crimes abound

Who's going to make America great
When the one who leads you
Has only made you hate
Which seems to please you

Oh America you think you're above us
Bigger, better, faster, smarter
It's plain to see though, you don't love us
If you did you would try harder

To help the ones who need it most
The sick, the poor, the hungry too
The need is great from coast to coast
But you only think of you

Well Bullies are really sad and weak
And pick on others less than them
But the tables are turning as we speak
And you won't get a chance again

To be the powerful "Great I Am"
Another country will take your place
And dismiss your Uncle Sam
And wipe that smug smile off your face.




Arrowroot Cookies

How we loved our Arrowroots
When we walked 'round in baby boots
Their firmness soothed our tender gums
And gave some peace to our poor mums

But the thing we loved the best
Was the sticky gooey globby mess
The cookies made all over us
Causing mums to make a fuss

But we grew up and on to Oreos
I'm sure you know how that story goes
Way too cool for baby food
We'd never let on they still tasted good

And now I sit here in my chair
Wrinkled hands and graying hair
I'll have that arrowroot with relief
For these small biscuits
require no teeth.





P is for Pet

Your favourite PET you've had. I love cats.  I've had a lot of cats over my lifetime and they were all special and had their own uni...