Ziploc and Zero

Ziplocs and Zero

I crafted myself a delicious lunch

Put it in the Ziploc with a gentle scrunch

At noon I ate my still fresh hero

Ziploc one, staleness zero

Yawning and Yesterday

Yesterday and Yawning

Yesterday I yawned all day and couldn't sleep that night

I tossed and turned and turned and tossed till dawn's early light

Today I slept the whole day through and now it is twilight

I'm yawning, sleepless by my friend,  oh what an awful plight

Oh what to do, how do I cope, oh wait the answer's dawning

I know now what the reason is, my sleeplessness is spawning

From lack of oxygen to my brain, because of all this yawning

I'll stop right now and wake up bright and fresh tomorrow mawning. 

Xenium and Xerox

Xenium and Xerox

We brought  xenium to the Greek party

 I xeroxed a pic of a goat

Apparently this was not good enough

As stated in the thank you note

It arrived through the window on a stone

And the nasty note said and I quote

Thanks a lot for the picture

But why didn't you spring for the goat

A true friend, as you probably don't know

Would have gladly brought us a beast

And then we'd all celebrate greatly

With delectable goat for the feast

Waffles and Wallet (haiku)

Waffles and Wallet

I love Waffle House

but my wallet is empty

PBJ it is

Victim and Valentino

Victim and Valentino

I was the victim of a Valentino  wannabe

Who crept into my life and stole my heart

With candy, flowers, and songs of love

He completely blew my world apart

One day I was all alone dreaming of my man

When Rudy called me on the phone and said

There's someone else adios my love

Now I wish that I was dead.

Unity and Underwear

Unity and Underwear

I bought new underwear today

I bought it with impunity

The panties gave my glutes some shape

The bra provided unity.

Tycoon and Tumbleweeds

Tycoon and Tumbleweeds

There once was a tycoon from Texas

Who drove a big fancy new Lexus

But he didn't heed

That big Tumbleweed

Now Texas is minus one Lexus

Shapeshifter and Stagefright

Stagefright and Shapeshifter

I wish I was a shapeshifter

When I go on the stage

I'd turn into an open book

My lines on every page.

Or perhaps an elephant

that never will forget

The lines the stagefright steals from him

and leaves him bathed in sweat

Or how about a looking glass

That faces t'ward the crowd

So its them not me they see

My voice could then be loud

But alas, I'm only me

A frightened nervous person

And everybody laughing

just makes my stagefright worsen

RollerCoaster and Racism

Rollercoaster and Racism

The emotional roller coaster

that is racism

Seems to never end

We head uphill

towards understanding

And loop back down again

some of us, we try so hard

to act and talk just right

we think we're cool and open minded

and then we find we're wrong

We blunder and we stammer

to remember the right words

so as not to degrade or hurt

but it is

hard

there are so many rules

it makes me wonder why

we can't all just

assume good intentions

and let some things go by

But the rollercoaster rattles on

We're scared, we're thrilled

we scream

we cry

Trying to live in this difficult world

and love our fellow man

Quest and Quack

Quest and Quack

While on a quest for peace

I sat beside a brook

And listened to the stream

And got lost in a book

I felt the warm sunshine

The tree against my back

Everything was perfect

And then I heard a quack

I jumped and turned around

my heart was in my throat

and then I saw the little duck

Enjoying a morning float

And it suddenly occurred to me

We both were  on a quest

Me for peaceful solitude

And her, a place to nest

Pillar and Prism

Pillar and Prism

There is a young Jay named Pillar

Who's baseball career will go far

Crashing into the wall

To catch that baseball

Yeah that Kevin Pillar is a star

Prism

Particles of light

Rainbows all around

Infusing colour

Shining in the sun

Making me smile

Open to The One

Open to The One

I was not open to meeting "the one"

The day it happened to me

I had hardened my heart and was on the run

from pain and heartbreak, you see

But her touch was so tender, her smile so sweet

I felt myself melting inside

It's silly to say I was swept off my feet

But I  had to let go of my pride

So now I am open and loving her so

My life now has meaning and rhyme

Now I've found "the one" and surely I know

We are sharing a love that's sublime

Nuclear and Needles

Nuclear War

With Nuclear war

There are no winners at all

Everybody dies

Needles

There once was a woman from Needles

Who had quite a collection of beetles

She gave them all hugs

And made them all rugs

Those spoiled rotten beetles from Needles

Marshmallow and Monarch

Marshmallows

I love camping, there is no doubt

A tent, canoe, and food to cook out

But my favourite thing and my answer is quick

Is a sticky marshmallow on a pointed stick

I like to wait till the embers die down

Find an oven- like space to toast it just brown

My friend likes a torch of flaming goo

I find it too messy...but it's tasty too

But if you're an adult and you want something more

Then just try your hand at creating a  "Smore

Marshmallow, chocolate and graham cracker stack

Melted just right a most heavenly snack.

The Monarch

Maybe it's his regal name that gives the Monarch so much fame

Maybe it's the shiny cocoon, like a jewel, from which he came

Or maybe it's his gorgeous colour so quick to spot among the flowers

Or flitting in the summer sky that gives the butterfly its powers

His striped caterpillar body is really vibrant this is true

But the orange winged butterfly is best known to me and you

Of all the butterflies in all the colours our attention is forever drawn

to the black etched monarch fellow flitting quickly on our lawn

Lunar and Living Room

Lunar

I would have been here sooner

If the eclipse had not been lunar

Everything was darkness

In the winter forests starkness

Snow up to my knees

I should have brought my skis

Or better yet, my compass

Sometimes I'm such a dumbass

With all my landmarks hidden

I got  lost, no, I'm not kiddin'

I would have been here sooner

If the eclipse had not been lunar

Living room (Haiku)

Curled up on the couch

Favourite book in my hand

Ah, my living room

Kilo and Karma

Kilo

As sirens wail and lights flash

I quickly hide my kilo of hash

I thought I'd flush it down the  toilet

But I don't really want to spoil it

It cost too much to throw away

But getting caught will wreck my day

And hamper the sale of my goods

And cause a scene with those crazy hoods

I decide to hide it in plain sight

And walk away into the night

I hope the cops will never look

In the cookie jar in my kitchen nook

Karma

Karma is a bitch they say

What you put out will come your way

Evil deeds come back to haunt you

Karma will come round to taunt you

If you're a person who brings joy

And never others do annoy

Karma will be good to you

A bring success in all you do

If you believe what I just said

You must have rocks inside your head

For we all know the world's not fair

And karma isn't really there.

jerks and juicy

Jerks

God created the earth and people of different kinds

Some were dumb as dirt, some had great minds

Some were bound for greatness, some for nothing much

Others would be great leaders, others just out of touch

But no one can figure out one thing that God created

It didn't make sense to his greatness, but never was it stated

Why on earth God saw fit, with all his wondrous works

To add to all humanity, a generous dose of jerks

Juicy

There once was a girl named Lucy

Whose bottom was fat and juicy

It jiggled along
To her favourite song
While Lucy danced the Watusi

Indiana and Inchworm

Indiana

If you ever go to Indiana

Please don't  snack on a banana

Popcorn is the food of choice

Remember Redenbacher's voice

Every kernel popped he said

In these bags of white and red

Indiana's where he was born

and made his millions popping corn

Microwaving is pretty hasty

And the snack food is very tasty

So when you go to Indiana

Take a pass on that banana.

Inchworm

Do inchworms really measure flowers

or the drops in April showers

Do they inch along the trees

And count by twos...or even threes

I bet their backs  are very strong

See they way inch along?

Not affected by the breeze

On tiny feet...they have no knees

Watch the way they bend in two

As they're crawling through the dew

Perhaps they are on their way to class

Math of course, need you ask

Hospital and Hamburger

Hospital  (Haiku)

I saw the red sign

There was no way I could stop

In hospital now

Hamburger

Fresh ground beef, assorted spices

Lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onion

A soft, fresh bun..with seeds..or not

Ketchup mustard and maybe mayo

On the barbecue or on the grill

Charcoal, propane, or frying pan

Juices flowing from the patty

Behold the hamburger, a work of art

Gravity and Garden Gnomes

Gravity

Things that bounced now are saggy

What once was tight now is baggy

Skin so smooth has become flabby

All of this just makes me crabby

I was once so lithe and supple

My bosom made a lovely couple

But now there's no way to pretend

That gravity is still my friend.

Garden Gnome

He stands alone in my flower bed

A floppy hat upon his head

He doesn't move he doesn't talk

Just stands there stoic by the walk

He watches with a stony smile

When I visit for a while

As I dig and plant and  hoe

I tell him things no one can know

My dearest friend my garden gnome

Living just outside my home

Atop the body buried there

Keeping secrets he can't  share

Forest and Flame

Forest Bathing

Forest bathing 

So good for the soul

You stand amongst the trees

Silent and still

Breathing in the scents of pine

    and earth

Listening to the birds

    the squirrels

    the rustlings of other life

Feeling the air on your skin

    the wind in your hair

    the sun on your face

breathe deeply

    again

    and again

Feel one with the earth

Feel rejuvenated

Forest bathing

     no tub required

Flame

Today I saw my old flame

I couldn't remember her name

Or the feel of her touch

Or anything much

But she gave me a hug, just the same

Ether and Eyes

Ether (haiku)

A sore tooth strikes fear

A mask and some gas...relief

How I love ether

Eyes  (limerick)

My girlfriend has beautiful eyes

As blue as the bluest of skies

When she looks at me

It's easy to see

The love that she never denies

Dancing shoes and Donuts

Dancing Shoes and Donuts

When I put on my dancing shoes my spirits fairly soar

I swoop around and around the room and barely touch the floor

All the girls are jealous of and wish that they could be me

But it's only because of these dancing shoes that I can be so free

Their red and shiny and light as air and oh how they do shine

My feet are fleet and fancy-free and oh, my legs look fine

But alas even my special shoes will not for long support me

If those damned donuts I so love continually thwart me.

Caterpillar and Cloudscapes

Caterpillar

The caterpillar is a busy thing

munching leaves all through the spring

gathering strength for the big change

Having wings will feel so strange

Does he know what lies ahead?

That the cocoon that is his bed

Will change him in a special way

To the butterfly he'll be one day.

Cloudscapes

I look out the window of the plane and see

cloudscapes

A fluffy white wonderland surrounding us

I want to climb out the window and wander through

exploring behind the pillars of white and gray

walking on the carpet so soft and white

Actually I would rather be anywhere than on this

damned

plane

Beads (haiku)

Multicoloured beads

of every shape and size

A necklace is born

The Basket

An old lady stood with a basket of flowers

I had no doubt she had been there for hours

Her clothes were worn and her shoes had holes

Her face was wrinkled, scattered with moles

As I hurried past, I was busy you know,

I heard a voice come soft and low

Why such hurry, come smell my roses

No others like it make happy noses

I couldn't stop too much to do

Bills to pay and shopping too

I didn't stop, I didn't smell

happy noses?  what the hell?

But all day long I thought of the flowers

That I didn't smell and it seemed like hours

before I could pass her way again

I'd stop and I would smell them then

But she was gone and what was left

was a ragged basket now bereft

wilted leaves and faded scent

the chance for joy had come and went.

America

America

Oh  America you are such a bully

Throwing your weight around

Your people staring dully

As your crimes abound

Who's going to make America great

When the one who leads you

Has only made you hate

Which seems to please you

Oh America you think you're above us

Bigger, better, faster, smarter

It's plain to see though, you don't love us

If you did you would try harder

To help the ones who need it most

The sick, the poor, the hungry too

The need is great from coast to coast

But you only think of you

Well Bullies are really sad and weak

And pick on others less than them

But the tables are turning as we speak

And you won't get a chance again

To be the powerful "Great I Am"

Another country will take your place

And dismiss your Uncle Sam

And wipe that smug smile off your face.

Arrowroot Cookies

How we loved our Arrowroots

When we walked 'round in baby boots

Their firmness soothed our tender gums

And gave some peace to our poor mums

But the thing we loved the best

Was the sticky gooey globby mess

The cookies made all over us

Causing mums to make a fuss

But we grew up and on to Oreos

I'm sure you know how that story goes

Way too cool for baby food

We'd never let on they still tasted good

And now I sit here in my chair

Wrinkled hands and graying hair

I'll have that arrowroot with relief

For these small biscuits

require no teeth.