HAPPINESS

I am a person with a few chronic conditions and some mental health issues that make my life frustrating sometimes.   I don't have the energy or stamina to do all the things my over active mind wants me to do.  However,  I consider myself to be a happy person in general.  I have limited income, no retirement plan, I don't own my own home, my apartment is not "decorated", most of my clothes come from Thrift Stores, I am unable to work, and I can't afford exotic vacations.   All things that most people would say they need in order to be happy. A few years ago, I was in a committed relationship with someone who is very wealthy.  I wanted for nothing, my financial future was set.  But this person was seriously mentally ill and I was miserable!  I left.  Thankfully the split was amicable and we are still friends and she supports me by paying my rent.  But if she asks me to do something for her, I can't say no.  Because I can't afford to have her cut me off.  Not proud of being in this situation, but it is what it is.

So why do I say I am a happy person?  It hasn't always been this way for me.  There was a time when I was very unhappy, and times when I was seriously depressed. I was miserable and would tell all my troubles to anyone who would listen.  And then one day I just decided I was going to be happy.  I was tired of being that pathetic person.  I was tired of brooding over all my failures and misfortunes.  I saw myself in people I didn't really like...whiners, and moaners.  It hasn't been an easy transition.  It takes a lot of conscious thought, meditation,medication, and "acting as if".  I took a good look at my life and all that I have. Three healthy, independent grown children, Three adorable granddaughters, lots of friends, my basic needs are met, I have a wonderful faith community that I am very active in, and I have a partner who truly loves me. Before you roll your eyes and think I am Mary Fucking Sunshine all day long, let me tell you that it's not true.  I have my moments.  I have anxiety and despair.  But my life balances in favour of happy.

What I have really learned though is this:  It is not material things that make a person happy.  Some of the richest people are the most miserable.  I read something somewhere that said "The three essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for."   If you have all three of those things, then you are well on your way to being a happy person.