Yes! Yes! Yes!

There is a lot of NO in our world.  No smoking, no parking, no loitering, no stopping, no shirt no shoes no service, no dumping, no soliciting....and on it goes.  Everywhere we look it seems we are  told NOT to do something.  I would like to imagine for a moment if we turned that around and started saying YES.   Yes you can park here.  Yes you can smoke here (in designated smoking areas), YES you can dump here (in landfill sites).  Similar to the Yes We Are Open signs.  What if the traffic lights were changed so that the green light was the biggest one and at the top.  What if we said YES, please feel free to loiter here and even provided benches for people to sit on.  What if we said WE WANT PEACE instead of NO MORE WAR.  Would it have an impact?  Would it be as effective.

Think about your life.  The things you do each day, the places you go, the responsibilities you have, how you spend your leisure time.  Are you living a YES life, or a NO life.   Do you find yourself saying YES more than NO?   And I don't mean just in response to Do you want fries with that.  When someone asks you for spare change, or for help, or to stay at work late, or to feed their cat, or walk their dog while they are away, what is your response?  Is it harder for you to say YES or NO?

I am a YES person.  I really like to help people, and I really like to keep busy and try new things. I am usually up for anything, depending on the state of my health on any particular day.  Sometimes I say YES too much and I end up over extended and it's not a good thing.  So I have learned to put some NO in my life for my own benefit.   And it's hard.  I don't like to disappoint, I don't like to hurt people's feelings, or not be there for them.  But I have done a lot of reading and had a lot of therapy around setting healthy boundaries and how to be assertive.  And it has become easier for me to say NO to people I don't know very well, but family and friends are a different story.  I will drop what I am doing any time one of my children needs my help.  And if I can't say YES I am wracked with guilt.   Through assertiveness I learned that instead of saying NO to a request, I could say I would really like to help you out, but I can't at this time.  And leave it at that. No explanations.  And a gentler refusal.

Of course there are times when a strong NO is called for.  We can't totally do without that word.  It's very effective in stopping people who are heading for danger, or who are being aggressive towards us.  We couldn't very well say to a mugger, why yes you may take my wallet as long as you don't hurt me.  Very small children respond to NO more quickly than a long sentence.  So, it's a necessary thing.  But what i am talking about is how interesting it would be if the balance was shifted in favour of YES.

Some people find it hard to say YES.   Saying yes makes you somewhat vulnerable and open to disappointment.  You say YES hoping for a positive experience, or a deeper connection with someone.  Saying YES opens you up to being taken advantage of.  Anyone who is part of an organization knows that once you say YES to helping with one project you are automatically seen as someone who says YES and you get asked to help again and again and again.

I think the word NO causes a more emotional response in us.  When someone says no to us we are hurt, or disappointed or angry.  And we want to know why.  Why is the answer no.  Why won't the person help us, or be there for us, or bail us out?  


There was an article in the Reader's Digest not long ago about a guy who decided that for 7 days he would say yes to everything.  I didn't really like the article as much as I liked the idea.  And I might even try it myself to see what happens.  And then I will blog about the results.  YES, I like that idea.

Let's say YES to life, and to love and to hope.  Let's say YES to being healthier.  Let's say YES to protecting our environment.  And let's say YES to taking care of ourselves.


PS YES I know I missed some question marks while writing this blog.  And YES I am okay with that, so grammar police, take your case elsewhere.