Fallout

Fallout

fall·out

noun

the adverse side effects or results of a situation.

"almost as dramatic as the financial scale of the mess is the growing political fallout"

For the purposes of this post, I will expand the definition to include positive examples of fallout.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you are aware of the fallout of this pandemic already.   The global fallout of people losing their jobs, their businesses, maybe their homes if they can’t come up with the rent.  The people who are in abusive homes being prisoners in those homes, with nowhere to go. People are realizing how close they are to homelessness after missing a few paycheques.  The children who are going hungry because they aren’t going to school where they are being fed. People are behaving in ways they never would under normal circumstances, hoarding, ignoring directives to social distance, littering with their gloves and masks.  The list is long and unsettling. 

On the positive side, people are coming together to help one another.  The planet is healing from the lack of pollution.  We are united in a battle against a common enemy. We are learning a new appreciation for the front line workers who are keeping things going. People are discovering things about themselves they never had time to realize and families are reconnecting in different ways without the stress of their busy overscheduled lives.

But what about the personal fallout of these days of forced confinement?   I have compiled a list of changes in my life directly related to the quarantine.  Maybe you can do the same thing.

The Good

I am enjoying the company of a good woman.  Each day we realize how much we appreciate each other and how grateful we are that we genuinely like each other.  We are not sick of being together.  Life is peaceful and easy, something neither of us has ever enjoyed in previous relationships.

We are safe in our home and we have enough food to last for the duration.

 

My social anxiety is so much better now that I am not having to deal with people on a daily basis.  I still have anxiety when I do video chats or group conversations but it seems less than when I am face to face.  It’s strange, you would think I would feel less anxious face to face but my brain doesn’t work that way.

I am being creative every day.  There is time and energy for me to work on my various projects.

I have rediscovered my love of baking.  I used to bake all the time. I found it relaxing and because my sugar addiction is more about candy than cookies and cakes I don’t need to worry about overindulging in my baked goods.  Belinda appreciates these new treats very much and it’s become another creative outlet for me.  

I am enjoying cooking meals for us every night.  We tend to go out to eat more frequently than is healthy for either of us, and it’s been good both from a health perspective and a financial one to eat at home. 

I have not spent a single dime since this all started.  I haven’t left the house.  I am building up my savings account in a completely unexpected way.

The Bad

With no structure to my days, I am not being terribly productive.  I need deadlines and appointments and accountability to really get anything done.  Writing this AtoZ blog is the only deadline I have and the only thing I have really accomplished.  I am being creative…just not finishing anything.  It’s all about the process right?

We stocked up on a lot of junky food at the beginning of all of this.  Chocolate, ice cream, candy, Cheese Puffs (Great Value Cheese Puffs from Walmart are way better than the brand name ones).  And this junk is very hard for me to resist.   Luckily I have not gained any weight for some reason which is strange because I am certainly not exercising!

I am afraid I am not going to want to get back to my life.  I am happy.  As mentioned in The Good.  I am worried about when this all ends and I have to go back to “normal”.

I miss my friends and I miss my choir and singing with them.

There is a pervasive unease inside me about the state of the world and how it will be going forward as well as a sadness about all of the bad fallout.

The Ugly

The girls are irrevocably migrating south after several weeks of freedom from the bra.   Now that I am in my 60’s my skin is not so elastic anymore.  I am not worried about this.  It is what it is.

I am having trouble keeping track of when I last showered ( I said it was The Ugly right)

Eventually, I will have to reassess my life and decide how I am going to live it after this is over.  What will I give up?  What will I keep?

So, yes, there is some fallout, some good, some bad, some ugly.  But I am truly grateful to be one of the privileged who can take the time to reflect and reassess, and rejuvenate instead of trying to survive.  I am learning to never take anything for granted and that is the best fallout of all isn’t it?