Questions

Questions

It’s been a difficult few weeks for everyone the world over as we struggle to cope with this pandemic and the isolation it has caused.  For the most part, we are soldiering on, thankful that our numbers are starting to drop and that we here in Canada are doing better than a lot of other countries.  We are proud to be Canadians, proud of our strength and our ability to pull together in a crisis.  We are filled with hope as we see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. 

And then in a quiet area of the beautiful province of Nova Scotia, an unspeakable tragedy happens.   A gunman shoots and kills at least 19 people in 16 different crime scenes.  He sets 5 fires and authorities say the death toll is certain to rise after the remains of the buildings are investigated.  One of the dead is an RCMP officer and mother of two young children.  She was doing her job and it cost her her life.  This man dressed in an RCMP uniform and outfitted his car to look like a police vehicle.  His crime spree lasted 12 hours and covered 90 km before police shot and killed him.   The tragedy is compounded by the fact that because we are under quarantine families cannot come together to comfort each other.  People who thought the worst thing they had to deal with was COVID-19, are now faced with insurmountable grief at these senseless crimes.

As I watch the news coverage and interviews with the victim's families, I am overwhelmed with sadness and filled with so many questions.  Why?  What caused this man, with no criminal record, to go on this rampage and take so many lives.  Rage?  He must have had a tremendous amount of rage to carry on for so long.  Was he a psychopath that had no feeling for his fellow human beings?   There doesn’t seem to be any evidence to that effect but it’s still early days.  Some of those killed were friends and neighbours of his, but some were just random people.  Innocent people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  One woman was walking in the woods.  Another man stopped to look at one of the fires and was shot on the street.  There were victims whose homes were destroyed with them inside.  Why?? Did his already troubled mind become even more unhinged because of the enforced isolation we have been under?  Did he see this as a perfect time to commit his crimes because he could go relatively unnoticed in his fake police car on the deserted streets of a town doing as they were told to stay safe? 

How are people supposed to move past this?  How are they supposed to grieve when they are not allowed to be with their families.  No casseroles, no hugs, no shared stories and memories of those lost.  How are they supposed to get closure from their loss when they can’t even have a funeral?  The community and the rest of the country have rallied around the best way they can with tributes and vigils and demonstrations of grief and support, but it’s not the same as having your family together in a difficult time. 

What can be done to prevent this from ever happening again?  How did this man get a uniform and the decals for his car?  How did no one know he was coming undone?   There was too much planning involved with this for it to be just someone snapping.   It was clearly premeditated.  What is not clear is the motive.  

I have no answer to these questions.  I only know what I have heard on the news.   The questions crowd into my head along with the questions about the pandemic.  I can’t think straight.  My head aches with the sheer volume of them. 

So many questions about this virus and what is going to happen going forward.  How do we know when it really is safe to go back to our lives?  What if it’s too soon?  What if it happens again?  What if another virus comes along, even worse than this one, one that gets into our water?  What if we run out of food?  What if the economy totally collapses and we go into a depression?  What if all this forced confinement breeds more lunatics like the one in Nova Scotia and violence skyrockets? 

 

Yes, I am driving myself crazy.  I know I need to trust in the universe that all will be right again.  But it’s hard when every day something new comes along to put more questions into an already troubled brain.  The world doesn’t feel safe.   What happened in Nova Scotia could happen anywhere.  As Canadians, we like to smugly think we are so much better than other countries, because we are polite, and we are peaceful and non-violent.  But we are not immune.   And, I am not a religious person, but tonight I am saying a prayer for each and every one of us.