Unitarian Universalism

Unitarian Universalism

I was going to write about Unity and the Nova Scotia Strong vigil I watched tonight, but my heart is so heavy I can’t find the words.   So instead I will write about why I became a Unitarian Universalist.  I am not proselytizing, I am just sharing my faith journey.   My faith is not for everyone and I wouldn’t dream of forcing my beliefs on anyone.

My Nan, whom I loved very much, was a very religious woman.  She read her bible every day and went to church every Sunday, taught Sunday school and was a member of the Ladies Aid better known as the bake sale ladies.  There were pictures of Jesus all around her house.  But she wasn’t priggish about it, or holier than thou.  It was just an enduring faith she had and desperately wanted her grandchildren to feel as well.   She would take us to church with her when we visited and that was about it.  Except for one thing.  She instilled in us a deep fear of the wrath of God.  Her God was a punishing one and I was terrified of him.  I was told that if I wasn’t good that God would punish me.  I was told that only good people get to go live with God in heaven, which is a wonderful place.  

This terror of God planted by my Nan was the little seed of guilt that started in my young soul and grew stronger throughout my life.  I knew I was not a good kid, I had been told that in so many ways.  And every night I would pray  to God to forgive me for my sins.   I decided that the only way to avoid the wrath of God was to become a very good girl.  And I tried so hard!  But I failed often and the guilt was crushing.

My Nan told me I had to go to church every Sunday if I loved Jesus.  And she would ask me all the time if I was going.  Problem was, my father was an atheist, and my mother only took us to church a couple of times.  Jesus just wasn’t on the radar in my family.  So I started going to church with friends.  Whoever was my best friend at the time, I would go to their church.  So I was United, Baptist, Methodist, and Anglican all before I turned 18.  And my deep guilt made me ask Jesus into my heart at each church I went to.  I never felt he stayed there because I wasn’t good.

When my kids were little I took them to Sunday School because I felt it was important that they have a foundation of religion.  It made it easier for me when they asked the tough questions.  I could say “well that’s the way God wanted it”.  Kind of passing the buck I guess.  But I really went through a time of feeling close to God and I was happy going to the United church near us.   My husband didn’t share my beliefs and eventually, my children started pushing back about going so I dropped it.   His offers of a fun hike instead of boring church were too hard for them to resist.   When we moved to Dundas I started attending church in Hamilton.  When my marriage was heaving its last gasp I had a traumatic experience with the minister I turned to for help and I left the church and turned my back on religion for several years.

When I came out as a lesbian I started to feel a need for a spiritual connection.  I have indigenous roots and I wished there was a church that held those same values.  I tried pagan worship , but it was a bit too fringy for me and attracted people that I felt uncomfortable with.  I feared I would never find that spiritual home I so longed for. 

And then I discovered the First Unitarian Church of Hamilton.  I first attended because it was gay friendly and I was hoping to meet a nice woman there.  But I fell in love with the church and realized I had found the spiritual home I had been longing for.  The key concepts in the Unitarian Universalist principles are: The inherent worth and dignity of all people; equity and compassion; acceptance of one another; responsible search for truth meaning; the democratic process; peace, liberty, and justice for all and respect for the interconnected web of existence.  Perfect.  No trinity, no punishing God, no guilt. 

I have been a member for 10 years now.  I have made some solid friendships. I like the music and I like the ritual of the service.  It’s down to earth and welcoming.   Like all things, there is a downside.  UU churches tend to attract well educated, professional, wealthy people.  It can be elitist in that way.   Sometimes I feel inadequate around them but that is my own issue, not theirs.   My life is better for having found this church and I can’t see myself ever going back to my Christian confusion.   I have become a better, more compassionate and open-minded person.  The person I have wanted to become for so long.

And I did meet a nice woman who is also a Unitarian!