Covid-19
My AtoZ challenge theme is memories. I am trying to write my memoirs and thought
writing a memory for each letter of the alphabet would be a good way to get
some content for that. But I made that
choice a few weeks ago before the world changed. Before COVID-19 blind sided us. And suddenly, my heart is just not in
it. I can’t write my memories when my
present is causing me so much distress.
So, I am departing from my theme and writing about what life is like
now. And eventually these entries will
find their way into my memoirs as memories.
At least that is my hope.
For a long time, I have felt that the world is a powder keg
just waiting to explode. I have been
waiting for a major disaster to happen. The
feeling that we just can’t keep going the way we are is pervasive and
unsettling. I wasn’t sure what it would
be but I had some ideas. A terrorist
attack or the crazy man in the White House deciding to declare war on Canada
for some bizarre reason. Or maybe a
natural disaster like the one in Australia.
I imagined what would happen if the escarpment caught fire destroying
the Golden Horseshoe. Sometimes I felt the disaster would be personal rather
than global. The Skyway would collapse
while I was driving over it, or I would imagine a truck blowing up or a tire
flying off as I drove past. My mind
would play out many scenarios. I talked
to my therapist about this and she assured me that it was my anxiety talking
and increased my medication. However, no amount of medication could silence that voice
inside me that warned of impending disaster. I could feel it in my bones.
But nothing in my imagination included a virus. I have read Stephen King’s novel The Stand
about a virus that wiped out humanity.
Surely that couldn’t really happen I told myself, because we have
medications…antibiotics and vaccines that would make it impossible. Even when I heard about corona virus in
Wuhan I didn’t imagine it would come here and affect us here in Canada. It just wasn’t on my radar.
And then it came here.
And it came hard and it came fast.
It took people by surprise. No
one was really taking it seriously until it became too hard to contain. Now here we are 3 weeks into a global
pandemic that has changed the way we live.
We have been told not to leave our houses. To stay inside and only be with people who
live in the same house as us. We can’t
go to a park, we can’t go for a walk, we can’t take a drive. The idea is that by doing this, it will
reduce the spread of the virus and save lives.
Maybe so. But there are as many
repercussions to doing this as there are to just letting the virus run its
course. The numbers of sick and dying are climbing every day and it gets closer
to home.
People are scared and people are panicking. They are hoarding groceries, looking at
others with suspicion and fear, and judging people by their race because the
virus originated in China. People of
Asian descent are living in fear. It’s
crazy.
At the same time, people are coming together in ways they
never have before. They are reaching
out by phone calls, video calls and even drive bys (although that has become a
no-no too). People are helping those
less fortunate by buying groceries and checking in daily on the ones who are
isolated. There is a lot of good out
there. There is kindness and there is
hope. I try to focus on that and not on
the scary statistics and crazy politicians who are in charge.
I want to write more.
There is so much to process.
Maybe I can work through it a letter at a time. I am doing okay so far. I love my partner and she is easy to be with
so we are not getting on each other’s nerves.
We have lots of food, and I have lots of hobbies. I have no problem staying home. I am in touch with my friends by video and
that works for me. I am safe and I am
healthy. But I am scared. For so many reasons, I am very scared.
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