Toolbox

Toolbox

What’s in your toolbox?  I don’t mean the one in your closet with a hammer and a flashlight in it.  I mean your toolbox for your life.   The one that has your tools in it for coping with whatever life throws at you.  “Tools” is the buzzword for coping mechanisms.  It seems we all need tools.  And because of our forced quarantine, we need even more tools than we did before.  We need power tools if you will.

Years ago when I first heard about a toolbox I had no idea what it meant.  I wasn’t coping with life very well at the time and had no tools.  (Count how many times I use the word tools in this post).  I had weapons.   Passive aggression, sarcasm, defensiveness, avoidance, I had them all.  But with the help of therapy and medications, I have managed to build a pretty good toolbox and put down my weapons…most of the time.  So I am going to share some of my favourite tools here to maybe help you cope better with this pandemic, or with life.  That is if you are having trouble coping.

Power tools:

Medication: There is no shame in using medication to help you cope with mental health issues, or to get you through a tough time.  I have been coping with depression and anxiety most of my adult life and for years I resisted taking meds because I thought it meant I was weak, or crazy.  I felt I would not really be me if I was medicated.   Eventually, I accepted the fact that I had a chemical imbalance and the medication was correcting that for me.  It also lifted me out of my depression enough to be able to use the next power tool in my box.

Talk Therapy:   I can’t stress enough the benefits of talking to another person about your struggles.  Preferably a trained person like a counsellor or a psychologist.  It’s important to find one that you click with, that you feel comfortable enough with to really open up.  You can go for just a short time and talk about an issue…like a pandemic and the resulting isolation.  Or you can go for a long time and work out childhood trauma.  You can vent and cry without being judged or you can sit in silence without worrying about wasting time.  It is a very valuable tool.

Once you have gotten through the really tough parts you can start adding the smaller but equally as powerful hand tools to your toolbox.  These are durable and can last a lifetime.

These are just a few of the many hand tools available 

Journaling: 

I started a journal when I was 13 years old, after reading Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl.  I kept the journals right up until I got married at 20.  I have kept journals off and on since then.  I believe that these journals have saved my life more than once.  Particularly the ones I wrote during my teenage years.  Journaling is an excellent way to vent your feelings, write things out and come to a solution, or try out different ideas, in a totally safe way.   A word of caution, hide your journals if you don’t want them to be read.   For years I thought my mother was psychic; I realized years later that she was just nosy.

  

Reading

There are hundreds of books on the market about ways to cope with life.  You can make yourself crazy if you read them all because everyone has different theories and ideas.  But if you find an author or two that you really like reading can be very helpful and informative.

Gratitude

This is something that gets talked about a lot.  But practicing gratitude really helps with depression and anxiety.  It’s really hard to do when you are in the slough of despond and can’t find a single thing to be grateful for.  On days like that, you can be grateful for getting out of bed, for breathing, for having food to eat.  Try to think of five things you are grateful each day.  It can even be incorporated into your journaling. 

Humour

Laughter truly is the best medicine.  Having a good laugh does more for your soul than any medication.  There is a radio station in Hamilton that plays stand up comedy all day long.  Funny 820 AM.  I listen to it in the car all the time and I love it.  I am a big fan of stand up comedy.  As I mentioned in a previous post I love to laugh, and see the humour in most situations, even if that humour is a bit dark.   Find something that makes you laugh!

Meditation

My struggles with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder make this a hard tool for me to use.  I have trouble clearing my mind, and being still for very long.  But you don’t have to do it for long.  Even 5 minutes can do a lot to calm your mind and renew your spirit.  I try to take some time, when I remember, to just be still and quiet.  There are several apps available to help you.  If you have trouble clearing your mind, try guided meditations.  It’s a process, one that gets easier the more you do it. Be patient with yourself.

Anxiety exercises

I have a few favourite tools for when the anxiety gets the best of me.  One is to focus on my arms and legs.  When we are anxious all of our energy seems to gather in our gut.  By focusing on your arms and legs, you redirect that flow outwards. It sounds so simple and it is, and it’s very effective.

The other tool is chanting.  Just repeating a phrase over and over again. It could be lyrics to a song that you find soothing, or it could be a prayer.  It’s different for everyone.   My chant is “when I breathe in, I breathe in peace; when I breathe out, I breathe out love”.

These are just a few of the tools in my toolbox.  I have many more such as music, colouring, crocheting, beading, and painting.  Anything that takes you out of your head is a good tool for coping in trying times.

I know that for most of you what I am saying here is probably stuff you already know and may already be doing.  I am sure that some of you are even familiar with the toolbox metaphor.  But I also know that in times of extreme stress we can revert back to old ways, we can forget about our toolbox and bring out the weapons again.  I am hoping that by writing this it will remind you of the resources you already have and help you get to the light at the end of this very long tunnel.