I am going to tell you the story about the one and only time
I ever drove while impaired. It’s a
cautionary tale to be sure. But it’s
also a story about how even the best intentions can go off the rails when you
are madly in love with someone who doesn’t care.
The night of Brad’s party I had no intention of drinking. I wanted to keep a clear head so as not to
make a fool of myself in front of him…again.
Too many times I had thrown myself at his feet in a drunken plea to get
back together with me. I was done with
that I told myself and tonight I would show him how cool I could be. As added security for my sobriety, I agreed to
pick up my friend Anne and take her with me.
We were both in good spirits as we drove to the party. Anne had recently broken up with her loser
of a boyfriend and was looking forward to scoping out the available guys at the
party. I was feeling good because I
knew the evening was not going to end in tears and snot as usual. Besides, Brad’s parties were always fun. He lived out in the boonies in a small house on
a sprawling piece of property. The nearest
neighbour was far enough away that parties did not disturb them. There was always a bonfire and really good
music. And lots of alcohol and
pot. Not that I cared about that anymore.
I had taken a lot of time with my appearance and I knew I
looked hot and I knew Brad felt the same when he saw me as we arrived at the party. I was cool to him and headed out to the
backyard and greeted everyone I knew. The
party was in full swing, the music blaring and people dancing in various states
of inebriation. I grabbed a Coke and
found a seat around the fire. Anne was
busy “working” the room and I was content to just sit and watch the action for
now. No one was really paying much
attention to me, but I was okay with that.
I just chilling. Brad came
outside and came and sat beside me.
“Hey you, lookin' hot tonight!” he said, putting his hand on my leg.
This was a typical Brad move, come on strong and sexy and
then when I softened and responded, he would cool off immediately. It made me crazy but I couldn’t seem to stay
away from him. I fooled myself into
believing he was only like that with me.
That I was special. Well tonight
he would find out I couldn’t be played with.
I gave him a cold stare and got up and moved to another
spot. I expected he would follow me and
continue to pester me, but he just moved on to someone else. It hurt.
I didn’t want it to, but it did.
I tried to engage in some of the hilarity of the evening but my heart
wasn’t in it and I was constantly looking around to see if Brad was watching me
and eating his heart out. But he wasn’t. He was with Anne! How could she?? I felt the anger and betrayal boil up in me
and I sat by myself and sulked for a while, watching them and wishing them
dead.
A little while later I was back at the fire and just watching
it burn. I wanted to go home but I didn’t want to give Brad the satisfaction of
seeing me leave early. As I was sitting
there I smelled the beautiful intoxicating smell of good pot and before long a
joint was passed to me. I took a couple
of hits of the joint. It was early, a
couple of hints wouldn’t hurt. I was still
in control, just a bit more mellow.
Shane came over and sat with me and we talked for a while. I liked Shane, but only as a friend. We had been friends for years, since were
kids actually, and I knew Shane wanted more but I just didn’t feel that
way. He was too nice. And too available.
I was enjoying the mild buzz and the music and pretty soon I
forgot all about Brad and Anne. Shane
brought me a glass of wine. I was about
to refuse, remembering my promise to myself, but I was feeling good and in
control and I figured one glass of wine would be okay. If I didn’t feel I could drive I would just
crash here at Brad’s. Lots of us did
that when we’d had a few too many. The
wine went down quickly and before I knew it I was flying high and flirting
outrageously with my dear friend Shane.
I caught a glimpse of Brad watching us and I ramped up my efforts to
make him jealous. At one point I planted
a big kiss on Shane’s mouth, which he willingly returned. When we broke apart I saw Brad heading into
the house with my friend Anne.
That was it. I wanted
to go and confront them, but I really had no reason or grounds to make a
fuss. Brad and I were broken up and had
been for three months. I had no claim on
him. When Shane grabbed me for another
kiss I realized I was losing control of the situation and decided I needed to
go home.
“You can’t leave! You’re
not fit to drive, Jenny. Stay here with
me until you come down a bit.” Shane pleaded
as I stormed to my car. Anne could find
her own way home.
“I’m fine. Just leave
me alone! I don’t need you or anyone
else to tell me what to do! I’m just a bit buzzed, I’m not drunk…” I said getting into my car.
Shane made another valiant attempt to stop me but I was
determined to leave and he had to get out of the way or risk being run over.
I sped out of Brad’s driveway and onto the roadway and I
realized I was definitely too drunk to be behind the wheel. But there was no way I was going to go back
there and be humiliated. I decided if I
just kept to the speed limit, and made sure the white line stayed to my left, I
would be fine. It wasn’t a long drive
home and I would take the back road home.
My memory of the drive is mostly a blur. At one point I must have gone through a
McDonald’s drive-thru because I found myself eating fries. The last thing I remember was turning down
the winding road that led to my neighbourhood and feeling the thrill of the turns
as I took them like a pro. And then
nothing.
I woke up a few days later.
My parents were there and told me I had hit a tree going 5o km/hour,
there were no tire marks, I hadn’t even slowed down. The airbags had saved my life. They cried as they told me about my injuries
and I cried with them and begged them to forgive me for being so stupid.
It was by the grace of God that I didn’t kill anyone that
night. If Anne had been with me, it
would have been a whole different story.
I know I will never, ever, drive drunk again. I learned a lesson that
changed my life. Because when I left the hospital, it was in a wheelchair.
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