Samantha sat at the kitchen table staring morosely at the book
in front of her. A colouring book. Her therapist had recommended colouring as a
way for her to deal with her stress and anxiety. She said there is something very zen-like
about colouring, it was so delightfully mindless. Samantha disagreed. Colouring had never been her thing, she found
it boring and she could never decide what colour things should be. But here she was with the adult colouring
book and box of crayons her daughter had bought when she heard about Samantha’s
new project. Cat Farts. That’s what her daughter thought she would
like to colour. Cats depicted in various
situations with little puffs of air coming from their butts. She had to admit she had laughed when she
saw it. But now she was staring at the
picture with no idea of how to start.
Samantha picked up the green crayon and started colouring
the trees. As she coloured she thought
of her life and what had brought to this place.
Here she was, 60 years old, alone and impoverished, disabled and
miserable and colouring. She hated her
life, and most of all she hated herself.
Bad decisions and bad luck were what had brought her here. She lead with her heart and not her head in
every aspect of her life from how she spent her money to who she chose to love.
She was diagnosed as bipolar when she went bankrupt 10 years ago. It had been more devastating than her divorce
because she had only herself to blame.
She lost her job when she became unable to work due to arthritis and
fibromyalgia. But she kept spending as
if she was still working and the debt piled up till she had a nervous breakdown
and had to go bankrupt. Now she had a
good friend taking care of her finances and she was on a strict budget and got
an allowance every month. She should have
been grateful but she was resentful and ashamed.
Choosing who to love was another downfall. Samantha liked to joke that if there was a room
full of great women and one crazy one, the crazy one would head straight for
her and Samantha would fall head over heels in love. She was a compulsive rescuer, wanting to be
the one to finally make her partner happier than she had ever been. These affairs always ended in disaster. Samantha had been alone for 3 years now and
she was better off for it. At least that’s
what her therapist told her.
As she coloured the trees Samantha started to feel herself
relaxing. There was something soothing
about the back and forth motion of the colouring and the green was a peaceful
colour. She found herself actually
enjoying it. On a whim, she decided to
colour the cat a bright neon pink that drew her eye. But when she started with the pink crayon she
thought of all the mistakes she had made in her life and all the people who had
hurt her. In her anger, she pressed too
hard on the crayon and it broke.
Samantha felt at once sad and sheepish.
It was just a crayon, how silly to be feeling anything at all about
breaking it. As she looked at the broken
crayon in her hand it started to melt causing Samantha to drop it, crying out
in alarm. The wax of the crayon bled on
to the table and Samantha was astonished to see that it was forming into a
figure. She blinked a few times, as
wondered if she was having a stroke. But
what she was seeing was really happening.
The figure on the table soon became a fairy. Samantha’s heart skipped a beat as she
realized the fairy looked just like she had when she was a little girl! How could this be? Instead of feeling afraid though, Samantha
found herself intrigued by this development.
She watched as the fairy waved her wand over the table and she began to
show Samantha pictures of her life.
Transfixed she watched her young self being held in her
mothers arms as her father looked on.
They gazed at her with such love Samantha felt tears fill her eyes. How she missed them! The fairy showed her learning to walk, then
ride a tricycle, then a bicycle as her father helped her. As she watched the film of her life play out
on her kitchen table she remembered how loved she had been, and how happy. Those days had been so carefree she longed
to go back. Roger, the family dog
played a huge role in her life. He had
been her best friend and constant companion.
Shy and awkward as a child, she had few friends and preferred her own company.
The fairy continued to show her pictures of her life as she
went through her teen years, and she saw that she had grown into a beautiful
young woman. Her shyness had fallen away
as she matured and she became very popular.
She was the life of the parties in college and loved to perform in local
theatre.
Samantha had been so happy once upon a time. Her memories of her childhood had become
filtered through the misery of her life now.
She had forgotten what it had been like then, she had lost sight of the
person she had been. The fairy pictures
stopped at the time when Samantha had gotten married. The sadness she felt was profound. She wanted to see more. She wanted to be that person and go back to
those days again.
Samantha noticed the fairy looking up at her and she leaned
forward to hear what she had to say.
“Samantha, that little girl is you. She didn’t go away. She lives inside your heart even now. All you have to do is love her and let her
love you back. Be kind to her. And she will heal you. You can be happy again, Samantha, if you
really want to be. Listen to your
heart. Be grateful for your life.” The fairy said.
Samantha didn’t know what to say and as she watched, the
fairy disappeared and all that was left was a pink crayon…completely whole. Had this all been just a dream? She picked up the crayon and examined
it. It looked as though it had never
been broken. Taking it in her hand she
began to colour again, processing everything that had just happened. The fairy was right, she did have it in her
to be happy now. There were things she
could do to improve her life.
Remembering how happy she had looked she smiled. As she continued colouring the page, she
realized how lucky she was and how blessed her life had been. Her heart felt lighter than it had in
years. How she wanted this feeling to
last!
Samantha changed her attitude and her life from that day
on. She started to take better care of
herself and forced herself to make social connections. Although she still had her bad days, for the
most part she was the happy person she had been all those years ago.
All because of what fell out of a broken crayon.
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